Baby Got Back

Here’s another little anecdote from our time at The Mouse’s Ear. You had to know the strip club was good for at least two stories!

Anyway…we had just settled in at our table, just before the trashy girl came over and X bought a table dance from her. I happened to look across the room to see at one of the dancers that was up on one of the single stages. And I noticed a bit of a resemblance. She kind of looked like me. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Aww…B, you have a cute face but shit…who’s gonna pay you to take off your clothes. And I’m sure you think that the stripper was a skinny version of me…but she wasn’t. She was the same size. I know…I was just as shocked as you are.

As soon as I saw her and was able to absorb the fact that somebody with the same build as me (I guess you could call me chubby, considering my ex-girlfriend was, what she liked to call, a “chubby chaser.”) I leaned over to K to point the girl out. K was surprised too. Then we talked about how we felt bad for her, because nobody seemed to be overly generous when it came to tipping her. We decided that when she came by our table we would buy a dance from her, because as a chubby girl, I have to help other chubby girls out. When she was done with her stage dance, she started going from table to table on the other side of the room. And again, nobody bought a dance from her…she got maybe a dollar, here and there. Nothing substantial. I kept wondering why this poor girl works here. Seriously, at what point do you not just quit and go get a job at Sonic?

Well, of course we managed to get sidetracked with the rafter humping dance and chubby girl had went past our table and we missed her. Trust me, if you saw the table dance we were getting, you would have missed her too. Once things had settled down from that dance and Amethyst put her clothes back on, I turned to see where chubby had danced off to…and that’s when I spotted her…giving a dance to a bunch of people.

And that’s when I realized why it is that Chubby continues to strip. Now I don’t want anybody saying I’m a bigot and a racist and all that crap, but it is fairly common for black men to enjoy girls with a little meat on their bones. I speak from experience here, because if I got hit on by as many girls as I did black guys, I’d be the happiest lesbian around. That being said, I think it’s a safe bet that Chubby, my stripper twin, must also get hit on by a lot of black men. And she probably makes some decent cash from the black guys that frequent The Mouse’s ear. Actually, you can bet your ass she does.

So there’s Chubby, in all her glory, shaking it like a champ for this table…that just so happened to be mostly black guys. The only other people at the table were the guys girlfriends, who happened to be white and, of course, a little thick. And when Chubby finished that dance, they gave her more money and she started dancing again. And then they had her sit down with them and they gave her more money. I turned around a little later and she was dancing for them again. These guys were throwing money at her hand over fist. I’m willing to bet she made more money than Amethyst. And Amethyst can hump rafters. I swear...if this was in a movie, you would definitely hear, "I like big butts and I can not lie."

So I stopped feeling so bad for Chubby after that. In fact, I didn’t see her for the rest of the night because she was a little tied up in the back of the club. Not tied up literally, like with ropes or anything. It was just that the table of black guys was so enamored with her she didn’t have to go selling herself anywhere else like the rest of the girls.

The whole experience got me thinking…I do really HATE my job and I’m really into country music lately…perhaps I could move to Tennessee and become a stripper?

Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.