Why I'm drunk and $90 poorer...

From December, 2007

One word people...Strippers.

Just for the record, I started this evening in a very innocent manner. I headed to the Ark for a couple (as usual) and wound up being completely annoyed because apparently it was white trash night. P arrives and after two beers says we should head to Marina Grille because some of his friends were there. Ok...I'm down.

Marina Grille...hmm...crazy tits girl is there from the Ark. She gets wasted and loves to flash people. Whatever, do what you want...but stop fucking cornering me in the bathroom and chatting me up. I don't really like you. It's becoming increasingly more difficult to pretend that I do. Anyway...hanging with P and K and D. Wives go home. We should go play guitar hero at P's house. AKA...I found out tonight guitar hero is code for strip club. After already paying a cover at Marina (are they serious with that shit by the way) and overpriced tiny drinks and shots...I've already spent a fair amount of money. Now for the ride to Delilah's Den. Ewww...

Of course we have to stop at a bar on the way...because obviously we're not drunk enough to look at slutty girls intimate parts. Another beer and shot. Then...$15 just to get in the door. Then there's a one drink minimum. $4 for water. Are you fucking serious? This also doesn't include the random slutty girls who expect a dollar for throwing their leg up on the bar. I have to say though, they were very eager to make change. i.e...19 singles back for a 20. How generous.

Now you know there's nothing that attractive about these girls....and of course my OCD kicks into high gear and I assume they all have various diseases I can catch just by sitting across the bar from them.

And for the high point of the evening...you know this involves me doing something really stupid...is when crazy blonde stripper pushes K out of the way to talk to D. As if he really wanted to spend an extra 20 to have this broad grind around on his lap. But...as she's chatting him up, K says, "I'm sure that's a real intellectual discussion their having..." and I find this to be the funniest thing I've heard all night. Unfortunately, as I'm finding this so amusing...I'm also trying to swallow some of my expensive water. Which I then proceed to spit and choke up all over the bar...

Things I've learned this evening:

-You can't be a stripper unless you have at least 4 tattoos.
-Strippers in Lakewood don't even bother to get implants.
-I should be more careful about laughing when I drink expensive water
-Strippers are not hot...except for that one brunette who didn't have a stripper face.
-And...last but certainly not least...I should pay more attention to which way the stall door opens in dirty strip club bathroom because my face and head kind of hurt where I slammed the door into myself.

Happy Freaking New Year!