Tattoo Boy

I’m pretty sure you’re all well aware that I’m a big ol’ lesbo. But according to all my gay friends, I’m not very good at it. They give me a list of different reasons, for example, I don’t like other gay people, I only like straight girls, I tell them they’re stupid for going to pride celebrations, and probably the most important reason why they say I’m a bad lesbian is that sometimes I try very hard not to be one.

What can I say? I’d rather just be straight. I think it’s easier and much more socially acceptable. And, I’ve got three aunts who are all stay at home moms, which I think is the greatest job in the world. I think I’m perfect for it actually…get the kids on the bus, clean up the house, grocery shopping, kids off the bus, make dinner. There’s nothing more I’d rather do than cook and decorate. And as for the kids…well, I figure they’ll grow on me. I like them, I’ve just yet to be exposed to them for multiple days in a row. How bad can it be?

Anyway, now that you understand this about me, that I’m always (sort of) looking for a husband, I can tell you about Tattoo Boy. Of course I don’t know his name, because that would involve talking to him. We just have this cute, smile and check each other out relationship at the gym. Oh yeah, I go to the gym a lot lately. I only go because I feel completely out of shape and I’m generally pretty bored in the afternoons, so why not use my time productively. So now back to TB. He’s got a very cute blue collar look about him. He’s a little chubby, which is just the way I like boys…when I do actually like them. TB does have a lot of tattoos though, hence the name. He’s got full sleeves, one on his lower back (which I’ve only seen when he was bent over stretching) and even one on his neck. This little crush I have is completely out of character for me and everyone who hears about it seems pretty confused. This is what C had to say about it when I told her the story the other night…

B: blah, blah, blah…cute tattooed guy at the gym…he’s cute and I like him.

C: He really has that many tattoos?

B: Yup. There not scary, ex con tattoos. They’re cute construction guy tattoos.

C: Are you going to talk to him?

B: Probably not.

C: What’s with you liking a boy anyway?

B: I don’t know, he seems like good husband material…and I’m really sick of working.

Yup. I probably am the worst lesbian I’ve ever met…