Dear Oldies 101.1

Despite my recent spat of non-aggressive driving (well, it’s probably mildly aggressive) driving, I felt compelled to share my thoughts about the oldies radio station. Madonna is not old. She’s still stealing 30-something baseball players away from their wives.

Dear Oldies 101.1 in New York,

I’ve recently noticed a problem with some of your programming. For a station that goes after a relatively older audience and claims to be playing the greatest oldies, I have a problem with you including pop hits from the 80’s in your lineup.

Granted I’m only 29 and not that close to the average age of your regular listeners, but, I do tune in fairly regularly. I enjoy the oldies…and I think sometimes that kind of music helps my road rage. The first concert I ever went to was Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. I shit you not.

This works out great until I’m driving up the parkway, jamming out to some Diana Ross or Beach Boys…and the next song that gets cued up is Cyndi Lauper. I’m sorry, but “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” is not right for your station. Also, Madonna…”Get into the Groove”…not so right for your station.

I know it’s been 20 or so years since these songs came out…but I’m having a real hard time thinking that the pop stars of my generation are now fit for the oldies station. You’ve got some nerve playing “Like a Virgin” right after “Brown-Eyed Girl.”

You’re starting to make me feel old. I loved those songs when I was a kid and I refuse to swallow the fact that they’re old…or worse yet, that I might be. I don’t care that Madonna turned 50 this summer. She’ll always be the teenager afraid to tell her Dad she’s pregnant to me.

You need to do something about this before I boycott you. And that could be hazardous to drivers all over New Jersey and New York. Do it for them. And don’t make me keep listening to country music.

Sincerely,

B (I still get carded for cigarettes sometimes)